3 Powerful Steps For A Lack of Self-Confidence Now!


Here’s good news… a lack of self-confidence is because on a soul level… you know you have more to do in this life.

If you continue to have low self confidence or low self esteem, you’ll miss the life that’s possible for you.

Drawing on proven strategies I’ve used with clients, I’ve been helping others build self-confidence to evolve in life… for over 25 years.

You have a lack of self-confidence and you know it’s negatively affecting your life.

This article will give you a good understanding of clear steps you can take to build confidence in yourself. Let’s dive in.

3 Steps For A Lack Of Self-Confidence

To increase self-confidence and self esteem, we must know what we want from life.

  • Decide how you want to share your talents and gifts with the world
  • Understand what you are learning in this life
  • Build confidence by doing, taking action

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When I wrote my first book, I 100% doubted myself as an author, a writer, an anything!

Here’s how to build self-confidence and self esteem… so that you’ll be who you’re meant to be.

1. Decide how you want to share your talents with the world

It’s part of your purpose to build the confidence and self esteem you need to be who you’re meant to be…

So, build belief in what you’re meant to do with your life.

What does that look like for you?

This isn’t about what job you’re supposed to have.

Dig deeper.

You’re here to make the world better with your talents and gifts.

With your treasures…

And it is soul crushing when you feel like you’re wasting your gifts.

There are MANY ways to share your talents. So first, do some soul searching.

And along they way, you’ll uncover your true self.

Self esteem comes from seeing your role in the world… and believing it.

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If you find that your career is not feeding your soul, and you’re ready to make a change, it’s scary to step into the unknown.

As an emotional well-being expert, Forbes Magazine quotes me, “Jeanne Nangle, an emotional well-being coach agrees that changing careers can be very unsettling. ‘Even a voluntary change can evoke a sense of loss for the familiar. Human beings are drawn to what’s familiar.’ She recommends allowing yourself time to appreciate the past, and then turning your attention to the growth potential ahead.

You must share your talents with the world, so when making a career change focus your attention on the possibilities ahead.

You do not have to be good

And remember this, whatever you choose to do next…

You don’t have to be good at first.  (from Mary Oliver’s famous and incredible poem, The Wild Geese.)

Many of us overachievers want to be great at something out of the gate. And if we aren’t the low self-confidence creeps in and self esteem takes a hit.

You’ll have negative thoughts like: I’m not good enough. I’ll never be as good as BLANK. This is too hard.

Now, if you do something, and give it all you’ve got and commit and it’s still not working, then yea, make a change.

What are you good at? What comes naturally?

What do you feel you MUST do or your soul will wilt?

How does this universe want to use you?

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The universe gives you what you need

For whatever is on your soul’s path, learning, healing and sharing… the universe sends you what you need.

This help includes the people, resources, spiritual guidance, ideas, and solutions you need. You’ll receive help from the physical and non-physical world for what you need to fulfill your destiny. Stop doubting that:)

It’s OK to pivot!

If it’s not working, pivot.

How to increase self confidence includes giving yourself permission to take a turn in your plan.

I’ve pivoted over 5 times…

  1. I sold computers for IBM
  2. I became an executive coach while at IBM
  3. I became a life coach because I wanted to do more personal work.
  4. I became a soul coach because I began leaning in a more spiritual direction.
  5. I’m blogging now and offering online education because I want to reach a much wider audience.

Self-confidence suffers when you’re failing. So, continue to reassess and ask the question: What is best for me?

Universe, how do you want to use my gifts, experience, and passion?

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And then there’s the very important emotional side of what you’re meant to learn…

2. Decide what you have to learn in life

Long ago, I lacked self-confidence.

This was a life lesson for me.

I wrote an entire book about it.

The book is about a caterpillar who doesn’t believe she can be a butterfly.

She’s doesn’t have the self-confidence to imagine something so wonderful for herself.

There’s no magic pill, no easy fix, no overnight remedy.

You won’t transform your life until you believe you can and that typically involves some emotional work.

Personal transformation takes courage… and the payoff is worthwhile.

And, what are you healing?

 What negative emotions are you healing?

Self-confidence isn’t an emotion, so which emotions are beneath it?

Shame? Guilt? Insecurity? Regret?

These are very sticky and painful emotions that erode our self worth and self esteem.

As you experience feelings directly, you’re able to slowly heal them.

To set your expectations, the emotions that are heaviest for you, you will probably feel them many, many times along your healing journey.

That’s how the body is made. We feel it to heal it.

I wish there was an easier way!!

Moving forward in life requires us to feel the range of our emotions without overthinking them.

While this isn’t easy, our emotional wellbeing depends on it.

As you grow self love, you grow in confidence… because you’ll be more connected to what’s meant for you.

Growing self love along the way is part of your destiny.

Here are 200 affirmations for self love to help you.

And affirmations to help you love your body.

And finally, along the theme of self-love, here are things to do to love yourself no matter what.

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Skill set and education

What skills do you need… to feel more confident in what you want to do?

Find out what you need to know, and get trained and educated. Get experience. As you gain skills and experience, self-confidence will grow.

Knowing that you’ve got the proper training and/or education will do a lot to increase self-confidence.

3. Build confidence by doing

Self confidence is built by doing… by taking action.

So if you’re not confident, you need to do things that help you build confidence.

You become more confident by having positive experiences.

You might be thinking… But, if I fail, I’ll have even LESS confidence!

But, failing forward can build confidence!

At least you had the courage to try something you’re not good at yet!!


For example, I was NOT confident about speaking in front of groups. So, I joined Toast Masters, I practiced in front of the mirror, I read self-help books, I said affirmations… and ultimately, I pushed though my paralyzing fear.

I’d throw up in the bathroom.

I’m not lying.

Self criticism is such a problem, so I had to slowly replace the negative voices in my head with positive self talk.

Remember what Mary Oliver tells us… You do not have to be good.

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Ultimately, push through fear and self-doubt

Taking action requires that you push through fear and doubt.

I know… it’s easier said than done.

Because low self-confidence and self-doubt can go deep.

Susan Jeffers Ph.D. wrote a great book entitled, Feel The Fear… And Do It Anyway.

The same principles apply to self-confidence. Feel the feelings of shame, guilt, insecurity, etc… and push through.

I’m NOT saying to avoid the feelings while you’re pushing through. Feel the feelings so that you can heal them.

This is really hard to do. I know. See #2 above.

Positive self talk

Positive self talk is another technique to help you with self esteem and self confidence.

Negative self-talk is so harmful, because what you tell yourself, you believe.

It that can help you push through and do something new so that you can gain more confidence.

The affirmations below can also be used for positive self-talk

Affirmations for self confidence

I have a separate post with 10 powerful self-confidence affirmations.

And there are some more below…

I wrote a book about the power of thought called, The Thought Store.

Inside I offer over a hundred positive affirmations to help the reader… YOU!

In The Thought Store, people in the futuristic town walk into the retail store and choose thoughts specifically for problems they’re having.

These thoughts are high energy, high vibration and are intended to help you build self-confidence.

They are supplemental to doing the work of course:)

Thoughts are powerful, but they can’t do all the work!

I can do this.

I will do this.

I believe in myself.

This is on my soul’s path.

I am failing forward.

I am building belief each day.

Universe, what would you have me do?

I am listening.

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Professional help… helps

If you need help with this, see a mental health professional. I am a HUGE supporter of therapy, counseling, and supportive people whom you feel safe with.

There are also many online options for seeking help with self-confidence.

Not to mention mental health apps to help you communicate with a mental health professional about your low self-confidence.

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What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is a belief in one’s own abilities, qualities, and judgment. It is a feeling of self-assurance and self-trust.

People with high self-confidence are likelier to take risks, try new things, and set and achieve goals. Confident people are more likely to bounce back in the face of setbacks.

If you’re really struggling with self-confidence and low self esteem, then consider talking with a qualified therapist or counselor to see if there are some deeper issues.

Again, because it bears repeating… emotional release techniques are a great part of anyone’s emotional toolbox.

These techniques help you release heavy, stored up emotion that stays in the body from our past.

Self esteem and overthinking

Overthinking by definition means we’re thinking about something to the point that it’s disruptive.

Because as we overthink what we’ve said and what we’ve done, we tend to go deeper into a rabbit hole and we can’t get out.

If you are struggling with self esteem, notice when you’re thinking about it too much. For example,

  • You’re unable to focus on anything else.
  • You’re not making any progress and no closer to a solution.
  • You feel even worse about yourself.

Especially in relationships, overthinking can cause you to go over and over a scenario, exhausting yourself, and keep you from taking decisive action.

How do you know if something is meant for you?

That’s the billion-dollar question.

How do you KNOW what is meant for you?

Are you meant to be a standup comic?

Are you meant to be a cartoonist?

Are you meant to be a teacher?

Are you destined for soulmate love?

Are you capable of a loving, lasting love?

Are you meant to lead thousands of people?

Are you meant to write a book?

Are you capable of building a house?

Are you meant to heal a disease?

Do you have it in you?

This is the journey to finding yourself… and how you’re meant to use your life to make the world better.

Look at yourself as a whole person… this isn’t about career. It’s how you’ll heal and grow.

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You’re not alone

Whether you talk to spirit guides, God, Source, Universe… or whatever religious or spiritual belief that calls your soul, lean into it.

You have support 24/7 along your path in life.

Don’t doubt that!

You may not understand what you’re meant to do, but open up the dialogue.

Ask. Listen. Ask again.

Here are questions for spirit guides or God/Source/Universe for your personal growth and more information about your path.

Low confidence hurts the soul

Doubt… when it’s about something that is MEANT FOR YOU… sucks the life out of the soul.

It really does.

When you lack confidence, it is keeping you from the very thing you’re meant to do.

But here’s what you’re thinking: Is this thing I want meant for me?

Or do I just want it really bad?

Excellent question.

Every soul-aware person should be asking this question. Refer to #1, 2, and 3 above to find your answers… and the links in this post!

We all must do the work to grow self esteem and confidence.

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Not believing in yourself

Not believing in the very thing you’re meant to do, that you’re designed to do… is like telling the universe…

Thanks, but no thanks.

Thanks for giving me the ability, the road map… but I have too much doubt.

If your inner critic is the culprit, then I get that.

Then, that’s the emotional work for you when you lack confidence… work on the little voice that tells you: You’re not enough, you’re not doing enough, you don’t deserve BLANK.

As you do the inner work, you’ll dial down that limiting dialogue.

inner critic, self doubting, self esteem
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Practice self compassion

Practice self compassion as you grow self-confidence.

I really struggled with this. My negative thoughts and negative self talk told me that I didn’t deserve compassion…

It’s a process for sure.

We don’t heal overnight. And we NEED self compassion along the way towards greater self-confidence.

Final thoughts

To increase self esteem and develop self confidence takes time, so be patient with yourself.

Low confidence is part of being human for most of us. If you NEVER had low self-confidence or self esteem, I’d be concerned!

There is such a thing as overconfidence!

However, lack of confidence is telling you that there’s work to be done.

PART of that work is getting to know what’s on your soul’s path. I recommend my course to help you do this.

This is a process… but it can be a really satisfying one.

Uncovering your true self, your soul, or your deepest truths is one of the best parts of a fulfilling life.

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