You want to surround yourself with good people, but how do you do that?
You want to be around people who you feel good about yourself when you’re with them. They lift you up. They make you want to be the best version of yourself.
How positive a person are you?
Since the term “good person” is subjective and unclear, instead let’s go with, Are you a positive person?
And I’ll add: A positive person who is honest, open, tolerant and makes a conscious effort to be kind to others.
Typically, these are WAY better folks to spend time with than negative people.
How to Surround yourself with good people
Surround yourself with positive people who have positive mindset and an open mind, and are willing to look at both sides or at least listen.
Surround yourself with people who are kind.
Surround yourself with positive people who care about the world.
Surround yourself with people who care about you, but aren’t a drain on your energy.
Be with people who lift you up and show you the best version of yourself.
Being with smart people who’ll argue, to me, sounds exhausting.
No, thank you!
Nothing is more off-putting than a smart person who loves to show others how smart they are. Guess what? We don’t care!
1. Look for like-minded people
If you want to be with like-minded people, you probably will be because we tend to be drawn to people who think like we do.
If you’re not, then why are you spending time with people who don’t get you?
2. Be a good listener
Here are some tips on how to be a good listener:
Pay attention to the person speaking to you by making eye contact.
Don’t interrupt people when they’re talking. This may seem obvious, but sometimes we immediately verbalize our thoughts, instead of holding them back. Wait until there’s a pause, before injecting your response, ideas, and feedback.
Show them that you’re listening! You can do this by nodding your head, raising your eyebrows, and leaning in a bit.
Ask questions that naturally arise to clarify what the person is saying. You don’t need to force questions. Make sure it’s something you genuinely want to know.
I have this BIG rule… and sometimes I break it. Don’t give advice unless the person asks for it!!! As a coach, I have a bad habit of offering advice too quickly. Don’t do it! They may not want your advice:)
I give extra attention to this topic below in regard to enabling energy vampires!
3. Be a good friend
As a good friend, be there for your friends when they need you.
Be supportive and understanding, even though you may not agree. Friends want your support more than anything else.
Be someone that your friends can always rely on to follow through on what you say you’ll do.
Work at forgiving mistakes and weaknesses. We all make them and have them!
Be fun to be around. You don’t have to be the life of the party, but add something! Even if it’s only that you’re good at playing corn hole!
Most of all, be yourself. Authentic friendships are so valuable and require that you show up as YOU. When people are not themselves, others miss out on knowing the real you.
4. Avoid talking negatively about other people
When you’re talking with someone and they begin talking negatively about others… don’t you wonder, what are you saying about me??
I wonder about that all the time!
So, that other people will feel comfortable with you, avoid talking negatively about people.
This practice increases your chances of surrounding yourself with positive people.
5. Live according to your values
Ask yourself, what’s important to me? What do I believe?
Once you get some clarity around, it’s the foundation of how you’ll make decisions about your life.
So, make choices that are consistent with your values. You’ll feel better about yourself, and you’ll attract others who are values driven.
And be willing to speak up for what you believe in when it arises. You don’t have to confront people regularly, but be your authentic self and share how you feel about important topics.
6. Practice kindness
Practice kindness with yourself and others. As you are kind with yourself, you will feel more compassion for others.
We tend to criticize others more, when we are critical of ourselves. So, it’s helpful to notice how often you’re critical of yourself.
7. Avoid negative people
Negative people deplete your energy! And it’s draining to have someone suck the air from the room! You know how it feels when you walk away from a negative person, you feel tired, angry, and hopeless!
In my post, 9 Ways to Be Responsible and Bring Positive Energy, I offer some tips and insights for how to check your energy before you enter a room and if it’s negative, how to make it rise higher.
Spend time with people you enjoy, who make you laugh, who you can tell the truth to (mostly) and who don’t put you down, who don’t compete with you (this is hard to find since we’re all human!)
Low-vibe thoughts and energy
In The Thought Store I invented the term: low-vibe thoughts. Negative thoughts have such low energy that they are like slime on the ground.
The Thought Store doesn’t even sell such despicable thoughts!
Low-vibe thoughts make you feel tired, angry, resentful, anxious, and a lot of other negative emotions.
Basically, you’ll not want to avoid people who are a constant emotional drain.
How to deal with negative people
Set boundaries with negative people and communicate when you’re uncomfortable or when their behavior is inappropriate or unacceptable.
And honestly, avoid negative people as much as possible. I do! Sometimes it’s unavoidable, like if they’re a work associate. But, you can minimize your interactions! When they go down a negative road, don’t lose sight of how you feel by agreeing.
It’s tempting to do that, just to make the conversation end! Sometimes it’s easiest to just politely say, I’ve got a lot to do.
Beware of energy vampires
Negative people drain our energy.
In Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and PowerDr. Christiane Northrup says that sensitive people or empaths tend to be taken advantage of by energy vampires.
According to Dr. Christiane Northrup, energy vampires “can be very charming when they are love-bombing you. That is until they come after you.”
She adds, “Soon, you are blindsided with insults, being shamed for your social status, body size, age, income level, how you talk or where you come from, and even abused.”
Dr. Judith Orloff warns us about energy vampires as well.
Positive people attract positive people.
Because the universe is energy, you will attract people who are at your frequency.
So, positive people will naturally bring more positive people into their life.
This is a bit confusing because we don’t walk around knowing what frequency we are at!
Darn! If only we could!
Quotes for surrounding yourself with good people
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” ~ Motivational speaker, Jim Rohn
“Who you spend time with is who you become! Change your life by consciously choosing to surround yourself with people with higher standards!” ~ Tony Robbins
“Surround yourself with good people. People who are going to be honest with you and look out for your best interests.” ~ Derek Jeter
“Surround yourself with people who are going to take you higher.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
“He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
Be a good listener, but not too good.
I have to add this section on listening because in my work as a life coach, this comes up a lot. People want to be good listeners, but they end up over-listening!
“No man has ever listened himself out of a job,” said Calvin Coolidge, the thirtieth President of the United States.
Certainly, most successful people know how to listen.
And, in my experience, people who are good listeners are better to be around!
However, one warning I have is this: Don’t do all of the listening! Make sure the conversation has a nice back and forth thing going on.
But, don’t keep score on listening, but do.
Not like you’re keeping score, but casually notice if you or someone else is dominating the conversation.
If you’re doing all of the listening, don’t be an enabler! This could fall into the Energy Vampire category!
So, politely excuse yourself because you have something else you have to do.
Generally, being a good listener helps you build solid relationships, resolve conflict, and learn new things about other people and life!
Surrounding yourself with good people helps you grow and be who you’re created to be.
As you work on yourself and become the person you want to be with, you’ll surround yourself with positive people you enjoy.