losing yourself, woman walking alone

9 Ways to Know You’re Losing Yourself and How To Get You Back

Losing yourself is when you lose sight of what you need on a deep level.

You ignore the things you need MOST. You push it down because it’s too scary to go for it then fail.

As a soul coach, helping people follow the path that’s already laid out for them is an obsession of mine.

You’re here because you want to live an authentic, fulfilling life.

This article will help you see where you’ve lost yourself… and how to get you back.

9 ways to know if you’re losing yourself

Here are 9 ways to identify if you’re losing yourself.

Turning 40… or 50 is often a time when we feel particularly like we’ve lost some part of ourselves. It’s a time to reassess.

The road from lost to found is reconnecting with your true self, your soul, your authentic self, the part of you that’s NOT lost or confused.

  • You feel lost and confused about your life.
  • Passion is missing from your life.
  • You’re searching for constant external validation.
  • You feel isolated.
  • Physical symptoms of fatigue, constant stress, and digestive problems that can’t be explained.
  • Ignoring self-care.
  • Doing something that’s soul crushing.
  • Feeling constantly unhappy.
  • Overwhelmed and stressed.

First, losing yourself is soulful

If you read my blog, you know I’m obsessed with the soul… from a non-religious point of view.

This still, knowing part of you is beautifully individual, eternal, and authentic.

Are you drooling at the idea?

I’ve been lost a few times…

And when you feel lost, if you’re smart, you’ll spend time getting to know yourself.

You go soul searching.

You heal your heart.

Because you want to live at a higher level, a higher vibration.

Insist on a loving relationship with yourself… where anything less just ain’t gonna work for you.

What I’m describing here is being soulful.

You’re reaching for depth, truth, and authenticity.

Good for you!

Being lost is an invitation to find yourself.

1. You Feel Lost or Confused

If you feel slightly like the teens from Dazed and Confused, the popular coming of age movie from the 1990s, you’re roaming around stoned.

Just kidding….

Maybe you’re not like these teenage boys… but, does the title of the movie resonate with you?

We’ve all been there. And especially around the age of 40.

It’s part of the human experience… to be unsure of who you are and what you want in life. You’re disconnected from your true self.

2. Your passion is missing

You’re simply not that into anything.

You’re not excited about the next chapter, the next challenge, the next project.

The things that bring you joy… it’s not happening. This could be a sign that you’re losing yourself.

3. Needing too much external validation

If you’re needing others to validate you to feel good about yourself, it can be a red flag that you’re losing yourself.

We all seek validation… to make sure we’re not making things up in our heads, but when our self worth relies heavily on others, that’s a sign that we’ve lost ourselves.

4. You feel isolated

When you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, that’s a sign that you’ve lost yourself.

Because we ALL have a place in this world.

We all do.

So, when you’re feeling isolated from friends and family and feeling you just don’t fit in anywhere, you may be disconnected on a deeper level.

When you feel disconnected from others, it’s extremely important to check in on your self talk. What you say to yourself, you will believe. So, if you tell yourself that you don’t belong… you’ll believe that.

Obviously, self-talk must supplement the emotional wellbeing work as well.

losing yourself, own interests, relationship losing, own identity,

5. Physical symptoms are showing up

Sometimes, physical symptoms like chronic fatigue, digestive problems, or stress that can’t be explained… can be signs of losing yourself.

The mind and body are connected!

According to Psychology Today, the mind body connection is very real! “Gastrointestinal disorders, sleep problems, high blood pressure, and chronic pain are just a few conditions known to be caused by or worsened by high levels of untreated stress.”

So, when physical problems surface, ask yourself if you’re taking care of your inner world and managing stress.

6. Self-care is not a priority

Self care is important… it’s not a luxury.

When we neglect self-care, we begin to unravel.

We need rest, sleep, relaxation, quiet, nutritious food, etc. to care for our well being.

7. Doing something that’s soul crushing

Soul crushing is when you feel your soul dying.

That may sound melodramatic… but maybe you know the feeling?

Most of us have this inner compass that tells us what’s important to us.

What we hold most dear.

What is non-negotiable.

If you’re in a relationship where you ignore your core values, that’s a sure sign that you’ve lost yourself in the relationship.

Shoot, you’ve lost yourself, period.

I’ve done that!

Maybe you’ve done that…

It’s not a good feeling to know we’ve thrown ourselves under the bus!

If you consistently make choices that go against what you believe in, sadly, you’re losing yourself.

8. Feeling constantly unhappy

The universe did not create you to be chronically unhappy.

If you’re unhappy a lot of the time, then I’m willing to bet that you’re losing yourself.

Or, that ship has sailed and you’ve lost yourself.

Again, don’t worry too much! This is the prelude to a deeper, richer life if you’re open to it.

If you’re not, you probably won’t like this blog!

9. Overwhelm and stress

Stress is part of life and we need to be able to manage stress.

If you’re constantly stressed and overwhelmed, it’s hard to keep a strong sense of yourself.

No longer pursuing your dreams?

If you’ve put your dreams aside… why is that?

We have dreams, then life happens.

We have children, families, keeping your partner happy, parents, passions, jobs, distractions, catastrophes, etc… then we lose track of our dreams.

Or, we tell ourselves that the dreams are fantasies and it’s time to grow up.


Not every dream you have is meant for you!

I had a dream of being a famous singer… and I am 100% certain that dream was not meant for my soul’s path.


So, being a soulful person is knowing which dreams are meant for you and which are not.

This is an important step.

The step from being confused about which stones are meant for your soul’s path and which ones are not.

And honestly, it can be fun.

When you notice any or all of the symptoms above happening in your life, you might be losing yourself.

feel disconnected,

Be true to your own life

I have written an in depth article on finding yourself again that will give you the information you need to make your way from lost to found.

In addition, please consider the following ideas for finding yourself.

Time for self-reflection

Self reflection is a wonderful way to take an honest look within. Ask yourself: Why did that make me so upset?

Why am I so stressed?

What do I want out of life? The top 3 things? Narrowing in is helpful.

Spend time reflecting on your life. Journaling can give you a lot of clarity as well.

When you aren’t giving yourself what you need, low self esteem happens.

Being out in nature is the perfect way to be with yourself and reflect on your life.

Be present in the moment

Practice being present in the moment. This is a critical life skill that will take you far!

In the present moment the following happens…

We hear spiritual guidance.

We create the future.

We heal the past.

The present moment is a beautiful thing because we’re not looking forward or back.

We’re in this pristine present moment where life happens.

This ALONE is a phenomenal spiritual practice… ignoring the annoying ego and instead, showing up moment by moment for what is before you and within you.

Again, one of the greatest advantages of nature is that it’s easier to be in the present moment.

Set healthy boundaries

Saying “no” is a perfectly good answer and it’s an element of self love.

So, when you’re needing quiet, rest, space, etc., don’t let anyone take that from you.

And with people who drain your energy, be really clear about your boundaries.

You aren’t responsible for other people’s feelings!

Say no to things that don’t fit with your values or that overwhelm you.

Seek emotional support

If you can’t figure it out on your own, or you’re in a deep hole emotionally, you make need help from a therapist, counselor, friend or family members, or loved ones you trust and feel safe with.

Pursue your passions

Revisit what you’re passionate about.

Even if it’s just for 10 minutes a day! Any time spent with something you are passionate about is worthwhile!

When you give even a small amount of time each day to something that brings joy and aliveness, you’re soothing your soul!

Make self-care a priority

Prioritizing self-care is important for reconnecting with yourself. Here are self-care activities to help you make self care part of your daily routine.

Rediscover values

Reevaluate your values and make choices that align with them.

Make alone time!

Spending time alone is a beautiful thing. If you don’t enjoy your own company, then make friends with yourself. This is part of the self-love journey and how to find yourself.

Healthy relationship

You come into the world alone and leave the world alone, so you may as well enjoy a great relationship with yourself in between!

It helps to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself by caring for the soul.

Final thoughts

Losing yourself feels like a disconnection from your true identity, values, or purpose.

Feeling lost is a common part of the human experience and recognizing when it’s happening is an important step in reclaiming your sense of self.

Plus, it can be the beginning of reconnecting with your authentic self.

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