There are times in life…
When the hero in you must rest, and the part of you that crawls carries you through.
Crawling is defined as the difficult times in life.
You’re moving slowly on the ground, you’re learning what you need to fulfill your destiny.
We crawl through our grief, heartache, fear, etc.
Then, somewhere in the middle of your crawling,
you’ll find your own puddle.
Your puddle is defined as the place within you that goes deeper.
It’s profound to know your own depths.
It’s honoring yourself when you allow your unique experience
Your puddle is yours to dip your toes into.
Whether your puddle is filled with grief, heartache, anger, fear…
Or all of the above.
Swim around in there.
Wade in the water.
Then, there will be times…
You’ll be so deep in the puddle, that you can’t see light.
You’ll wonder if you’re strong enough to be in there at all.
Because we aren’t given more than we can handle.
WHEN IS IT TIME TO SURFACE?
Then, at some point, you’ll hear a voice suggesting it’s time to surface, and you might not be ready.
I need to be in here longer.
I’m not ready to come into the light.
As you’re in the puddle, in this place of depth and safety, you’re healing your life.
Nature wants you to soothe your heart.
Nature wants you to heal.
And this is a sacred time.
However, eventually, you’ll be ready to leave the puddle as part of your destiny.
And… ask for help as you need it.
You deserve a life free of old heavy energy.
And you must do the work to leave that old energy behind you.
Therefore, the inner voice that tells you it’s time to surface from the puddle
will become more pronounced over time.
Like a drum beat that gets louder and louder.
Because staying wounded does not serve you at some point.
You will know when.
Trust that part of yourself.
And remember, you can always return to the puddle when you need to.
Your puddle is your sacred place… and it’s always there for you.
In my late 30’s and 40’s, while I was happily married, starting a family, and had a successful career…
I was expressively frustrated.
I didn’t understand it at the time…
I wasn’t expressing myself creatively or personally.
In a sentence,
my expressive drive was stifled, buried, and repressed.
And, if you relate with this at all…
this is NOT good for the soul.
So… I read hundreds of self-help books, dabbled in spirituality, walked on coals with
Tony Robbins, and searched within my Jewish roots for a deeper sense of myself and where I fit into this world.
But, I continued to be, paradoxically, both happy and frustrated.
Fast forward to my late 40’s …
My husband and best friend of 26 years passed away. We had two sons, ages 11 and 17.
Six months after his passing, my husband visited me in a dream.
I didn’t know about such things and even though I was seeking, I didn’t like woo woo stuff, like spirits visiting people in dreams.
But after this visitation, I read every book I could find about the afterlife to validate what in the world happened.
In the dream visit, Mark told me two things: He was where he needed to be, doing work on the other side;
. and I had someone I WAS MEANT TO BE
I believed him. I knew he was right.
But, beyond that I was lost about what that looked like.
Fast forward another year.
In the middle of the night, I spontaneously wrote an autobiographical tale book about
a caterpillar who doesn’t believe she can be a butterfly.
My caterpillar is seeking and wants answers.
She wants more from life on the ground.
Most of all, she wants to know she’s not alone on her quest.
GO ON A DESTINY QUEST…
I believe I represent many frustrated women who deeply desire authentic, creative expression…
and they’re not DOING it.
. Some way… in any form
As a fairly non-religious Jewish woman, who’s always believed
ashes to ashes, dust to dust, my DESTINY QUEST has shown me that the universe cares what we do.
Furthermore, the universe is involved.
In the midst of chaos, there’s an intelligent universe that holds a plan for each of us.
However, and this is key, we cannot fulfill that plan
until we crawl.
This is why my book is about a caterpillar…
Crawling is as important as flying in life.
We must crawl through our heartache and grief before we embrace our creative, expressive destiny.
Once we do that… our destiny is filled with joy and ease.
Now, I run my own online education business as a soul coach and author, helping people SEIZE THEIR DESTINY.
Do you ever feel…
This is MY life and these are MY days… and I don’t want to waste them.
I don’t want to give them away.
Do you ever think something so self-involved?
I hope so.
Because when you spend your time worrying and thinking about other people’s problems.
Or worrying and thinking about your own problems.
You know it’s a life killer…
You know it.
But, you get sucked in.
Because the incessant thoughts kick in…
Will I get all of this done?
Actually, I’m certain I WON’T get all of this done and if I drop one ball, everything is going to #%@.
Or even deeper thoughts…
What if I can’t have the life I want?
Oh, that’s a scary thought.
It’s those thoughts that keep you up at night.
When your mind goes there… there are two things you need:
The ability to stop and breathe.
And the ability to quiet your mind.
KEY LIFE SKILLS.
Remember the fire drill you learned in school?
Stop, drop and roll?
Well, instead think:
Stop, breathe, PEACE!
Or… stop, breathe, quiet.
Then run to your nearest yogi studio…
Not yoga… too much pressure there:)
One that you create in your car, your home, in nature…
Or in your mind.
Especially in your mind.
It’s that place where you can go and just be quiet.
Even if it’s for two seconds.
Two peaceful seconds where you don’t have to save the world.
I’M UP TO 5 MINUTES
This life skill of being able to quiet the mind…
Well, it takes practice.
I’ve been doing it for 20 years and I’m proud to say that I’ve worked my way up to 5 minutes.
Now, hopefully you’ll be far more talented at it…
But, 5 minutes is pretty nice!
Part of transforming in life… so you’ll be who you’re meant to be.
And live a one of a kind, this is your life…
One part is practicing being quiet.
It’s at the top of the list of… Simple, but not easy.
But, practice it a little bit each day.
When you catch yourself worrying…
Think: Stop, breathe, and quiet.
And remember, no matter who you’re helping…
Or who you live with…
Or who you want to BE THERE for…
This moment is yours.
You don’t have to give it away.
Does this sound familiar?
I believe I can do it… Then, I don’t believe it one single bit!
I can do this… Then, there’s no way I can do this! Who was I kidding?
It’ll be OK… Two minutes later… this will be a ship wreck!
If it’s meant to be, it’ll be… Next, what in the heck am I talking about?
This kind of ping pong game with life is…
You have a destiny.
You’ll be given what you need to reach it.
And here’s what else you need to know about your destiny…
The little caterpillar I keep talking about. 🐛
Who doesn’t believe she can be a butterfly. 🦋
Early on, she’s hanging out in the garden.
She’s a bit lost, confused, doubts herself, and she wants answers.
So, she goes on a personal quest.
And commits all 16 legs…
Looking for something…
She’s not sure what.
But something MORE is calling her.
Then, on her quest…
The caterpillar uncovers 12 principles of metamorphosis.
And with the help of these 12 principles…
She becomes a butterfly.
WHAT’S WITHIN YOU…
These 12 principles of metamorphosis…
Will lead you where you need to go.
Just as they did my caterpillar.
In love, work, and spiritually.
So that you’ll…
Be true to yourself.
Accomplish what you wish for.
And make the most of your life.
THE 12 PRINCIPLES OF METAMORPHOSIS
These 12 principles of metamorphosis are as follows and they will lead you to your destiny.
Commit all 16 legs.
Ask for help, the garden is listening.
Stand back and take it in.
You need to look closer, then don’t stray too far.
Wish yourself compassion for everything you are.
Your time is quite short, regardless of your endeavor.
Enter a well of all healing and be willing to go below.
Leave your logic on the shore.
Let your sadness run through you.
You may get stuck beneath a stone.
Fulfill your destiny.
WHAT IS YOUR DESTINY?
Your destiny is NOT just about your job or career.
It’s so much more.
It’s what you’re meant to give and learn.
It’s between you and this universe.
That’s what you’re here to do with your
one wild and precious life, as the poet tells us. Mary Oliver
Give what you’re meant to share.
And learn what lesson you’re here to learn, so you can be free of them.
Life doesn’t seem so logical much of the time, but you can count on your destiny.
It’s waiting for you.
You hear about tuning in to your children, your partner, or your surroundings …
And we know that means to
lean into what they’re feeling…
Or what is happening.
But, what does it mean to
tune in to yourself?
It means to
drop into what your soul needs.
how is this any different than what YOU need?
A soul need is a deeper need.
It’s a bottom line need.
Since the soul is the . essence of who you are, it’s slightly different than who YOU are
Because YOU have a body and circumstances, both of which are temporary.
While the soul is eternal and connected.
So to illustrate with a very light example…
If you’re craving chocolate cake… is this something your soul wants?
Or maybe your soul wants
If chocolate cake will give you true nourishment, awesome:)
However, tune in to your soul and see…
is this nourishing me?
It might be. It might not be…
It’s between you and your soul to decide.
How lovely a convo is that?
Your soul knows.
No judgment, just leaning in and having a conversation with the deepest, purest, most present part of you.
So, how do you care for your soul… in a topsy-turvey world?
And what does that even mean??
Care of the soul
assumes that life is topsy-turvey.
So, don’t let it disappoint you or cause you to become too discouraged.
Because as you know, life is a roller coaster of things we don’t expect.
And so instead,
we care for the soul.
We make sure our soul is doin’ alright down here…
We pause throughout the day. We take deep breaths. We do work that feeds the soul. We avoid negative people and negative thinking. We put ourselves in situations that lift us up. We feel what we feel. We BELIEVE in ourselves. We believe in an unlimited universe that will survive. We don’t give up on ourselves. We’re GOOD to ourselves daily…
I feel better just writing that:)
And as you care for yourself in this deeper, life affirming way, you’re experiencing
connection and aliveness.
You experience the part of life that can’t be explained…
It wasn’t until I stumbled upon
caring for my soul… that a glimmer of something true, something deeper, and something eternally satisfying emerged within me.
Why does the soul offer so much?
Because this part of you knows the
truth about you and your specific place in the world.
this part of you is connected to the unlimited.
this part of you has the power to overcome any self-doubt you have.
You can lean into your soul 100%.
And THAT feels really good, since leaning into something solid in 2020… is extremely comforting. ?
Be well and safe.
Enjoying life during this challenging time might seem absurd, but please bear with me.
This year has been unfathomable … And it continues.
But, let’s not focus on that right now.
What if this was your LAST year of life?
Or if this was your last week?
Maybe you’d jump in your car and drive until you hit water, and dive in and swim to the nearest island and meet an islander and drink rum.
Or you’d serial watch your favorite guilty pleasure while wolfing down buttery popcorn and dark chocolate.
Or you’d simply sit and watch people walk by your front door.
One after another, strolling by, getting their kids out of the house … or themselves.
You’d want to take IT ALL IN.
The truth is, we want to enjoy life … be in love, be healthy, enjoy our work and children, travel, etc.
And enjoy the simple pleasures …
But, life doesn’t always go so smoothly.
Each of us can list a number of things that have happened in our lives that have caused us to ask:
What the heck?
And I mean … seriously, what the heck?
However, we can decide to enjoy life anyway.
There will be bad days and bad moments.
And yet, there are things to enjoy.
Even in this smoke filled part of the world where we can barely leave the house because the air is filled with soot … on top of a worldwide virus.
We can commit to enjoy life, most of it, some of it, 4 or 5 minutes a day …
And to underline
Mary Oliver’s final line at the end of her remarkable poem, The Summer Day:
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Care of the soul includes doing things that help you feel calm throughout the day, even when the world around you is chaotic.
When you’re caring for your deeper needs, YOU are the calm one that others gravitate toward.
Like your husband and children…
And why will they do this?
Because they feel SAFE with you.
They know you’re there for them, calm and patient when the rest of life is… too much.
The world and its problems don’t unravel you.
Just like you’re OK with you own imperfections.
And this calm and patience comes from this DEEP well within you.
Kids love being around that. Men love being around that.
We love being around that … And yet, while I was a loving wife and mother …
I used to be
stressed out, anxious, and easily upset.
NOT a good look on me.
On my tombstone my sons might have written:
We loved her, but wish she would have taken a deep breath and a very long vacation.
Thankfully, I breathe easily now.
And here’s the good news …
As we care for our deeper needs and connect within
, we forgive the things we’ve said and done … and we have more to give.
Christiane Northrup, M.D. is helping us understand how we can evade
I’m grateful because this topic comes up A LOT in my work as a soul coach. The power of thought and how negative thinking is literally killing people is the main theme in my futuristic book,
The Thought Store.
Have you ever walked away from someone feeling blah or angry or anxious, and wondering what the heck happened?
And then you’re wondering how you got sucked in?
Because, the subject people seem to be bothered by, more than any other subject, is
other people. We can’t live with them, can’t live without them!
Can’t live with them … can’t live without them! ?
Other people is the number one reason people leave their jobs.
And sometimes, only sometimes … those “other people” are
Christiane Northrup’s best selling book:
Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Evading Relationships that Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power,
talks about this issue in depth.
And hey … we’ve all had bad days or months. Quite honestly, when my husband passed away, I wasn’t fun to be around for years.
It was tough, and I had to nurse my wounds for a long time.
But, do you have someone you’ve known forever and you feel drained by the relationship?
Or maybe you’ve known them for a short time, and you didn’t realize they were slowly draining the life out of you?
If you want a harmonious and fun life, this includes NOT allowing yourself to be drained by other people, even if you feel badly for them.
Thoughts to empower you.
You can affirm:
I love you, I forgive you, I’m letting you go.
I deserve peace.
I am only allowing peaceful relationships in my life.
I allow myself to protect my energy.
When I feel drained, I will take a look at what’s happening.
I am committed to being around good energy.
I am attracted loving, responsible, caring, empowered people into my life.
I am letting you go.
power of the pause is a simple technique for being calm and less reactive with your spouse, your kids, your friends, your parents, the noisy neighbor, and the adorable teenager who refuses to clean out his car, etc.
Let’s say something happens that gets your temperature up! Someone says or does something annoying, disrespectful, oblivious … Oops sorry, I got carried away.
Anyway, you’re upset. Maybe your blood is starting to boil …
The moment this happens, use the power of the pause:
1. Think PAUSE – Just stop. This simple and seemingly tiny act of bravery is larger than you think. BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT’S REALLY HARD TO PAUSE WHEN OUR JUICES ARE FLOWING!
Pausing gives us a chance to slow down.
If your knee jerk reaction is to overreact, then
pausing is a triumph in and of itself.
2. NAME WHAT YOU’RE FEELING AND BREATHE – Simply notice what you’re feeling and name it. For example:
I’m mad. I am hurt. I feel like crying. (Said to yourself or out loud.)
3. Keep breathing deeply and gently until you feel better and calm enough to address the situation.
NAME IT TO TAME IT
He teaches parents how to coach their children when the children are upset.
The principles apply to
adults as well. When we name an emotion, the brain sends soothing neurotransmitters to the limbic system, the part of the brain that wants to run away.
Soothing … I love the sound of that.
For instance, when a child is scared, just naming it and saying:
I’m scared, helps her calm down.
accurate you can be in naming the emotion, the better the result.
That’s why it helps for parents to be
in tune with their children, to help them name their emotion.
Being able to stay calm in the storm isn’t easy.
However, as we care for our deeper needs, we feel calmer and more steady.
That’s all for now … I’ll be following up with more about how you can let your calmer, steady side prevail.
Lately, I’ve been thinking of all the mothers who have younger children at home during Covid.
Younger through teens years anyway.
And … YOU ROCK! Seriously, you mom’s rock.
I used to hyperventilate over how to occupy my kids for a measly summer … and this is a very long summer.
So, sending you our
admiration and respect!
This pandemic has affected ALL 7.8 billion of us … and in different ways.
It’s certainly a challenging time
It is what it is.
For me, someone who REALLY DOESN’T like feeling stuck, I am looking at my life as creatively as I can.
So, I remind myself:
It is what it is.
And this helps a bit.
Isn’t it funny how a trite phrase can soothe my mind?
Why does this five word sentence feel good?
Because in that moment,
I am not resisting what is happening.
not throwing in the towel. For me, it’s kind of the serenity prayer:
Help me change what I can, accept what I can’t …
And then I notice … how MANY people are really kind right now.
The kindness of people
The kindness of people has reached a very high level.
I hear all around me:
Be safe. Be careful. Thinking of you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your service. Are you OK?
And that’s cool.
Therefore, while I am not diggin’ this at all, I accept it week by week and keep my thoughts positive for the future.
So our young people aren’t inundated with pessimism.
Because pessimism is like air pollution.
So, when the ATT agent accidentally disconnects our call for the 7th time, since they’re working from home and have questionable phone service …
It is what it is.
And I call again 3 days later after I’ve calmed down. (Even though I’ve lost 7 hours from my life.)
Thoughts to clean the air
At a minimum, I can avoid polluting the air around ME. Some thoughts that help:
We are not alone in this.
I am grateful for this, this and this.
Oh, and I’m grateful for BLANK. (I know we’ve had this idea drilled into our heads, But truly … Gratitude instantly raises our energy.)
This is temporary.
I will not jump ahead in my thoughts.
I’m doing the best I can today.
Sending a very big hello to you and hoping you’re safe and doing ok …
I believe life is in the daily rituals. The saying is actually,
Life is in the details … but I like the word rituals.
It’s the rituals we do each day … that add up to our life.
an act regularly repeated in a precise manner.
What do I love about rituals?
They connect me to my spirit and something bigger.
And that feels amazing.
The rituals I’m talking about …
Daily prayers, mantras, affirmations.
Checking in with myself emotionally.
Letting go … repeatedly.
Other rituals I LOVE.
Rituals are something I can COUNT on.
I love things I can count on.
Especially now …
It’s what I did DAILY that literally transformed my life.
Now, they are so much a part of my daily routine that I don’t have to think about them.
My rituals are waiting there like a cozy couch.
A TYPICAL DAY.
Wake up > Say gratitude prayer. > Breathe > High vibe mantras. > Say I love you a few times (a great high vibe thought) > Roll out of bed. > Drink the best coffee ever. > Be quiet. > Affirmations > Eat something with salsa. > Do work I enjoy. > Remind myself I’m OK. > Exercise: 4 sit-ups > Ask myself how I feel. > Release uncomfortable emotion. > Be mindless for awhile. > Do work I enjoy. > Do some work I don’t enjoy, but accept. > Breathe > Eat Biscotti. > Surrender > Gratitude… REPEAT.
Now, do I also think negatively at times, worry a bit, be lazy, and eat food that will never biodegrade in my lifetime? SURE I DO!
However, it’s the 80/20 … or the 90/10 … or the 70/30 I don’t know!
Life is in the rituals
… so, for the sake of enjoying your life, choose rituals that empower you and bring you peace.
When my kids were young, what I list above would have sounded impossible, but honestly, 90% of what’s listed above …. were totally possible!
Find what works for you and gives a nice flow to your day.
And most of all …
that remind you of your 24/7 connection to yourself and something bigger than you.
I need something to help me flatten the curve …
Remember being a kid in the backseat of your parents car and your family was driving somewhere and you’d ask:
Are we there yet?
You’d ask every ten minutes and your parents would say:
Remember that feeling of:
Is this drive over yet? Is this over yet?
THEN, my son who lives in New York, and yes, it’s mayhem there; he sends me a Public Service Announcement from the Office of the Governor of California he saw on Twitter about
Flatten the curve …
In it is
(Seinfeld, Veep, etc.) and she’s putting on her own make-up
because her make-up staff is staying home and being safe.
So, she’s putting red lipstick all over her face because she’s never applied her own make-up!
It’s so funny …
Flatten the curve.
I was laughing out loud at how funny she looks applying this clown-like make-up and asking us to please STAY HOME
to help flatten the curve.
Yet … I’m getting the message.
I know I need to dig in deep and
get my second wind.
Even though I want this thing to be OVER, I must be part of flattening this curve!
Therefore, I am gaining my second wind.
Thank goodness for second winds.
We have this incredible ability to feel tired, pissed off, and DONE, and then wake up the next day and say:
And in case your spirit is
a bit frail lately, just know that you too have that second wind within you. Built into our DNA!
This second wind ability is built into our DNA.
We are made to withstand … life.
Then one day, hopefully sooner than later, we’ll be among one another again.
And we won’t spit in each others faces when we talk.
We will give each other plenty of personal space and respect:)
Oops, I’m getting ahead of myself.
For now … it would be enough to feel a light and breezy second wind.
Wishing that you and your family are safe.
In this interesting time, I find two things happening.
First, sometimes I’m foggy headed, distracted, which way is up … headed.
Where’s my coffee or wine and which Netflix show will I serial watch tonight … is the #1 thing I care about.
And actually, it’s kind of relaxing to expect so little of myself:)
Ahh, self-love … bring it on.
Feeling a bit distracted by this sheer
twilight zone world we are living in right now, is par for the course.
But, you knew that:)
However, there’s another feeling that’s really strong and it’s
a deep desire to lean into my spirit.
A deep desire to lean into my spirit.
I LOVE leaning in.
What does that mean?
It’s connecting with the part of me that is eternal and connected to something bigger than me.
This greater something doesn’t care if I wear a face mask.
It doesn’t care if I don’t like using the Q word …
It doesn’t even care about the things I worry about.
It’s just still and steady.
It’s there for me.
Connecting with my own spirit.
Connecting with my own spirit is connecting to the strength within me.
While I may feel vulnerable at times … my spirit knows:
I am OK … I am safe. I am secure.
My spirit knows this.
It has no doubt.
You may have your own ways of connecting with your spirit.
Or maybe you call this feeling something else.
However, if this is sounding a bit too abstract …
And you’d like some concrete tips around this idea of leaning into your spirit,
try this mini meditation: Tree of life meditation
Take a deep breath and let go.
Now picture your head as the branches of a great tree that reaches up about 60 feet.
And picture your body the trunk of a tree: strong and solid.
Then, picture your lower body as the great roots of this great tree, descending into the ground and rooting you, grounding you, so you know you’re solidly connected to firm ground.
Now, with this visual, picture sunlight coming into the branches of the tree and filling up the branches down to the ends of the roots.
Just breathe as you visualize this bright light filling the tree that’s holding you.
In this safe place, know your spirit is there for you.
Stay here as long as you like or as long as you’re comfortable.
don’t judge yourself if you get bored and want to run to In and Out Burger.
I did that yesterday.
That’s ok too:)
Just stay in your car and thank those adorable teenagers …
Stay safe … and wishing you a lovely evening.
#tree of life meditation
I’m thinking of you all and sending my good thoughts and wishes your way.
I’ve been using this time we have now to reboot, reconnect with myself, and regroup about my future.
While this is a stressful time, it can also be a time for deepening our commitment to whatever we are committed to.
The world has hit the pause button. That’s how I am thinking about it.
For a world that is busy, busy …. hitting pause can create the space for something new to come in.
Or hitting pause can be a time for deeper spirituality.
Or reaching up and out and discovering what your piece is in this universe.
I realize these are huge questions and sometimes we are just making it through the day … but the bigger questions are sitting there, waiting to be asked.
If you feel like it …
What would you have me do with this time?
How can I share the biggest and best part of me?
Now, I don’t always feel like asking these bigger questions.
Sometimes, often lately, I need to just take time out.
However, once those moments pass … then I can refocus on what matters to me.
And I know that moment will always show itself.