how can i love myself

How Can I Love Myself: 5 Ways to Love Yourself Even Though…

When you make that same remark, or that same mistake…. can you love yourself anyway?

We wonder… how can I love myself fully when I keep doing this ridiculous, stupid thing?

We berate ourselves. We feel not enough. We feel ashamed.

It’s horrible that we throw ourselves under the bus so quickly:(

As a life coach and self-help author, I am passionate about helping others grow self-love, because we need to love ourselves to fulfill our destiny.

You’re looking for ways to love yourself even though you do and say things you wish you hadn’t.

You’re not alone. We all do it.

After reading this article, it my goal for you to have the skills to love yourself… no matter what.

Free 12 Steps to Destiny PDF

5 Ways to Love Yourself Anyway

When you are judging yourself and feeling badly about things you’ve done or said… and your negative thoughts are taking over, try the following 5 techniques for growing self-love.

Even though I did that AGAIN, Can I love myself anyway?

1. Forgive yourself for repeating the same mistakes 

Self-forgiveness is key as you’re cultivating self love.

Repeating mistakes is what we do while we’re learning!

Forgiveness is a process.. and you can begin the process with that expectation.

Here’s a forgiveness prayer and 2 minute audio to help you enter into a state of forgiveness with yourself.

positive feelings, self love, self compassion, positive feelings, self care, self confidence

2. Forgive yourself for wanting people to like you  

We can’t help it!

We’re sharing the planet with billions of people and we want to belong.

We want to be genuinely liked. So, when we go somewhere, people are genuinely glad to see us.

It’s OK if not everyone likes you.  It really is.

It’s impossible to have your shining personality be what everyone else prefers.

You may be too this and too that, but you can have self love anyway.

Play nicely in the sandbox

You know THOSE people who you want to run away from?

You’re NOT vibing with them at all?

The ones who say whatever they want and have no filter…

And yea, sometimes we’re that way right?

Here’s the thing.

We have to share the planet with others.  Even though we’d like to have our own planet… it would get lonely.

Out there all alone, like in the movie Castaway… talking to a soccer ball for lack of company!

So, yes. We are all in this together.

It comes back to the old kindergarten lesson: Play nicely in the sandbox.

A technique to use in the sandbox

So, try this: Notice what you’d like to be more or less of. Your behavior goal so to speak.

For example, I am working on being a better listener. I am working on being less opinionated. You decide what your true self needs. 

See how patient and forgiving that self-talk is?

And, play nicely with others.

So, if you just aren’t easygoing and you want to be… say It’s OK. I’m not easygoing, but I will go along in this situation. Or, I can’t go along with this, so I’ll bow out. 

Or, if you can’t go along with something, speak up. Then, deal with someone disagreeing with you and knowing your peculiar-ness… it’s ok. 

Either way you’re learning a new skill in speaking your truth.

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3. Stop the negative self talk

You will believe what you say to yourself… and negative self talk undermines self love and create bad vibes!

Shad Helmstetter, author of the famous What You Say When You Talk to Yourself, writes about the inner computer we call the brain and how we are programming it all day long. 

What we tell ourselves we believe. And it’s so painful to throw ourselves under the bus… even though we don’t want to. 

Negative thoughts about ourselves are like slime on the floor.

In The Thought Store I describe how thoughts have a physical quality and affect physical health! People in the fictitious town were dying from too many negative thoughts!

As we practice self love, the negative self talk will be less and less.

Positive self talk

Positive self talk is having an inner dialogue that supports you, loves you, and reminds you of your creative power.

We believe what we tell ourselves… so when our inner dialogue is mostly low self-esteem, it hurts us deeply.

Again, the go to book on this subject is Shad Helmstetter’s, What You Say When You Talk To Yourself.

Positive self-talk creates good vibes in your life.

books on positive thinking, Shad Helmstetter, self confidence
Best book on positive self-talk! A must read!

Ways we reject ourselves

All too often we reject ourselves and it isn’t good for our mental health. If we continue with negative thoughts about who were are, it’ll definitely affect our mental health.

So, it’s important to be aware of the ways we reject ourselves.

We focus on the stupid things we say, instead of the kind things. 

We focus on our failures, instead of our successes

We feel so so bad about how foolish we are, and everyone noticed.

We’re self-conscious, overly self-aware… like we’re under a microscope and the whole room is watching

We hate ourselves for doing the same damn thing we always do.

However, we’re on a journey here.

Don’t expect yourself to be at the finish line. If you feel too intense,  dial it back.

And if you tried, but failed. It’s OK. You’re aware of it and working on it.

Stay aware of those things you’re working on. Be mindful of them when in situations where you might do something that goes against your goals. 

4. Lean into the energy of the emotion

Lean into the energy of the emotion and try really hard to not think.

This is KEY.

While high-vibe thinking™ will help you be more confident, you must feel all those emotions you’ve been carrying around like a ball and chain. 

Here’s the thing to notice…. as you THINK about your feelings, you interrupt the pureness of the emotion.

So, that’s why I’m going to ask you to face the emotion directly… as much as you can.

This takes some practice, so don’t be surprised if it feels odd to do this.

And, warning… it won’t be that fun. BUT, you’ll benefit afterward.

Because we feel it to heal it. We process and move it out as we feel it. 

Think of this a self care… or self preservation!

And we also need to do spiritual self care each day, where we’re caring for the soul.

And as you’re doing this important work, be sure to embrace positive feelings as well, as kind of a respite from the negative emotions.

5. Trust the process: Grow self-esteem and love

Acknowledge that while you have things you’d like to improve on, it won’t happen overnight, it takes time.

And while you’re in that process, self-judgment defeats you, it undermines your attempt at greater self-love. 

Have self compassion for how long you’re been in this process.

And you keep showing up right?

You’re growing self acceptance!

You’re accepting the little quirks and habits you have that make you fallible and human!

Low self esteem is when we judge ourselves… or even hate ourselves for what we’ve said or done.

It hurts.

The dictionary says that self esteem is confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.

Growing self confidence involves doing the steps in this article, and overtime you will feel greater self love.

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Trust your self love journey

Your journey to greater self love is YOURS and yours alone.

No one else knows what it’s like to have walked in your shoes.

Practicing self love requires self compassion and self acceptance.

Loving kindness meditation

Try this loving kindness meditation: I am love. I am divine love. I’m giving and receiving only love. I’m living my highest truth. I’m allowing my greatest healing. Thank you for keeping me in love’s way.

Positive affirmations for self love

I’ve written a comprehensive article with over 200 incredible positive affirmations to help you grow self love.

Practice gratitude

Gratitude is essential to self love because it reminds you that you aren’t all bad because you have all of these wonderful things to be grateful for.

It’s saying thank you all day long for what’s going well in your life. Gratitude focuses you on the positive.

Practice gratitude 24/7 by having an attitude of gratitude.

It 100% will raise your vibration.

Healthy relationships, but there’s you

The most important relationship in your life… is the one you have with yourself.

As your authentic self walks deeper into the world, your feelings of self worth grow and grow.

Because the soul wants you to be your true self. It’s why you’re here… to learn and grow and make the world better with your unique gifts.

Self doubt can stand in the way of you doing that, so be away of focusing on perceived flaws and past mistakes.

Final thoughts: How can I love myself?

The self love journey is one of the most worthwhile things you can do with your life.

Because, we can’t fulfill our destiny without it!

Love Yourself is Principle #11 in my 12 Principles of Metamorphosis.

My caterpillar is stuff beneath a stone… and she can’t pry herself loose from her self doubt, her fear, and her self-rejection, she finds it within her to love herself anyway.

We must love ourselves anyway, as we do the inner work to be who we’re meant to be.

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