how to find yourself
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How to Find Yourself By Asking For Guidance – 5 Best Ways

One sure way to know how to find yourself is to ask for guidance.

Ask. Ask. Ask.

Oh, and ask again.

And I’m not exaggerating.

Because you have an entire spirit team ready and eager to help you find yourself.


And while understanding your personality and temperament is also part of finding yourself, these parts of you are secondary to who you are in the soul.

Personality and temperament.

Think of your personality and temperament as part of your unique makeup, NOT who you are.

You will use these aspects of yourself to fulfill the needs of the soul.

A big part of self-love is accepting your individual temperament and personality.

Temperament is inborn, while personality is both inborn and formed by a number of external factors.

Your personality and temperament are given to you to help you fulfill your mission in this life. You are not expected to be like others!

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Overall, connect with the soul.

Since the soul is the essence of who you are, finding yourself will become clear as you connect with this still, knowing part within you, your soul.

Finding yourself requires that you connect with your own soul, even if unconsciously.

As a soul coach, this is obviously the focus of my work and I talk more about the soul here.

And I talk about being soulful here.

Connecting with one’s soul takes some time, so be patient with yourself. Remember, at the center of being soulful is self-love.

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So, what is guidance?

Guidance is any impulses, feelings, emotions, thoughts, ideas, and signs that you get from your higher self or a higher power.

Even though life is filled with suffering, I believe that we live in a benevolent universe.

And while the world is largely chaotic and there’s no disputing that, there’s hard-to-believe intelligence behind the scenes.

I count on that and have witnessed this time and again in my own life as well as other people’s lives.

We do not walk this path alone.

Thank goodness.

Life is challenging on every level and we need help finding ourselves within the struggle. That’s where guidance comes in.

Rule of thumb for guidance.

So use this rule of thumb…

If you ask a question and something comes along shortly afterward, within a day or so, that seems to directly answer your question, consider it as guidance.

However, be aware of when you’re having a trailed thought or sequence of thoughts that are simply your busy mind versus guidance.

A trailed thought versus guidance

You’re having a trailed thought when one thought leads to another. For example, I need to go to the grocery store. > I need to buy healthier food. > I eat too much junk. > I drink too much when I’m with Joe. > I need to go exercise more and take care of my body.

Now, that final thought about taking care of your body… is a trailed thought, not necessarily guidance. It may be very true!! But, it’s not guidance. Because that thought followed a sequence of thoughts from your busy and in this case, helpful mind!

It’s guidance if you’ve been wondering if you should join a gym, but you’ve been procrastinating. You ask for guidance: Should I join a gym? Will that work for me? Then, out of nowhere, you get this strong thought and feeling to join a gym…

Then, it’s more likely guidance.

It’s important to note, this is not a science.

It’s not.

So, you must practice asking for guidance over time with the intention of being your true self.

You will get a feel for what is guidance and what is not as you do this more.

However, sometimes you’ll be totally confused, and that’s OK too. Sometimes God, Source, universe, or our guides allow us to remain confused, so we will use our resources to figure things out.

5 Ways to Find Yourself Using Guidance

Remember, you have an entire spirit team ready and eager to help know how to find yourself. So use this spiritual guidance to uncover who you are meant to be.

1. Leave your comfort zone.

Leaving your comfort zone is a subject that’s very near and dear to me.

My entire book The Butterfly Silhouette is about leaving the life that’s comfortable and venturing into the unknown.

This is what I was called to do when my husband passed away.

Maybe you’ve had to find yourself again after a loss.

So, in my book, my heroine caterpillar is lost and confused and looks up into the sky asking if anyone is listening.

A mentor butterfly swoops down to the ground in answer to her prayers.. and their quest to find herself begins.

At first, she doubts herself.

She looks down and sees only 16 legs… and wonders if her future can ever be more.

You have an entire team that wants to help you find yourself, your true self. So when you feel overwhelmed or alone, lean on them!

Are you wondering why they would help you?

Because you have someone you’re meant to be and the universe wants you to BE THAT.

You’ve heard the saying: Do you?

Yea, that’s what God/source/universe wants for you.

And, you may have to leave what’s comfortable to do that.

Sometimes that’s leaving a negative situation, unhealthy relationships, unfulfilling work, or leaving what feels easy and comfortable because something more is calling you.

2. Ask God/source/universe.

In your search for how to find yourself, it helps to connect with something bigger than yourself, that has your best interests in mind.

That has your soul’s evolution in mind.

There are so many helpers that are assigned to you to help you walk your soul’s path.

Sometimes it’s hard to imagine this level of help when we consider the amount of suffering in the world.

I’ve struggled with… how is it possible for such suffering to exist in our lives and then maintain faith in a higher power?

None-the-less, I’ve been shown over and over, by both my husband who passed away, and my spirit guides that there is a higher power.

We are guided along each of our paths, every step of the way.

So, finding yourself involves asking key questions:

God, what would you have me do?

Spirit, what is best in this situation?

What do I need to learn here?

What can I give here?

And when you ask, ask from the heart. Ultimately, you’ll be making your own decisions.

How to find yourself requires that you see your spiritual nature. The part of you that is unlimited and directly connected.

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3. Turn off your brain.

In the quest to how to find yourself, your true self, it helps to turn off your brain.

How are you going to hear guidance unless you stop long enough to recognize it?

Take a moment each day to just be and listen.

I read once, in a groundbreaking book called Journey of Souls, that the reason our souls can’t hear guidance is that we don’t turn off our brains long enough to hear it.

Our spirit guides can’t get through to us because we’re constantly thinking.

And so, it’s important that we have some way to turn off the brain… or at least slow it down.

Frankly, I don’t know if I’ve ever turned off my brain, but I slow it down enough to hopefully hear what my guides are telling me.

Apparently, slowing down the brain is enough because I receive guidance regularly.

So, whether it’s in meditation or just sitting in a room and staring out of a window, letting your thoughts come and go while you focus on your breath, this is slowing down the active mind.

Don’t be too disappointed.

If you take the time to just stop and be, and nothing, and mean nothing in the form of spiritual guidance pops into your life, don’t be too disappointed.

As you commit to a regular practice of connecting in the ways listed in this article, you will become more receptive to the spiritual guidance that’s around you.

Finding yourself will begin to unfold.

Furthermore, as you connect with your soul more and more, you’ll strengthen your connection to the spiritual world, and therefore, your mission in this life.

Connecting with your soul is the foundation of finding yourself.

However, the guidance doesn’t always hit us in the head, it can sneak in the back door as well.

In Rebecca Rosen’s book, Spirited, she gives lots and lots of useful advice for how to recognize spiritual guidance.

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Turn to your breath.

In my daily practice, I’ve found that if I show up and just be with my breath, the guidance comes eventually.

Not always right away.

Maybe it’ll come while I’m driving somewhere. It just kind of pops in my head. Or I’m making dinner and it just kind of pops into my head at that time.

Or, I’m on one of my walks, and it’ll come to me then.

To find your true self, it’s helpful to connect with your breath, the most obvious aspect of you, regularly.

4. Be grateful as often as you can.

How to find yourself requires living each day in gratitude.

So, I start each day in gratitude.

After I ask to be guided in regard to all aspects of my life: my personal life, business, love life, my sons, and my personal passions, I say thank you.

Part of daily gratitude is expressing your gratitude for what you get to do. Not what you feel you have to do.

There’s a difference in mindset that’s very important there.

For example, I get to do this work. I get to care for my children. I get to care for my body. I get to cook food I enjoy.

Self-discovery comes from gratitude.

As we are in a state of gratitude, we’re receptive to our own higher natures. We see things more clearly.

As we see clearly… obviously, we see ourselves clearly.

This is why gratitude is necessary for how to find yourself. In gratitude, we’re telling the universe that we’re ready for more goodness to flow into our lives. We’re ready to step into our full potential.

Be open, listen, share your heart, listen, and say thank you when you receive guidance.

5. Now, guide me to my higher self.

How to find yourself is largely about connecting with your higher self.


You can read more about the soul and higher self in my post 9 Amazing Ways to Define a Soulful Person.

As you connect with your higher self, you uncover all that you want to know about yourself.

Here are some questions for your higher self:

What do I need here?

What must I do or it’ll feel like my soul isn’t being fed?

What do I need that I’ve neglected within myself?

What do I need for nourishment?

What is the main thought that is holding me back?


Prayers and mantras.

Saying mantras and prayers throughout the day is a great way to clear your head and connect with your higher self.

My favorite mantra is: I am where God is. God is within me.

In this state of mind, how can you not find yourself??

And I say this throughout the day because it’s acknowledging that I am part of a divine plan.

In this state of receptivity, you’re basically crying out to the universe that you’re ready to receive more information about who you are and what you’re meant to do with your life.

Final thoughts.

If you feel uncomfortable with your life, or lost in your career or relationship, or personally… then it’s probably a sign to go on a quest to yourself, to find yourself.

Just like my caterpillar did in the book I mention above.

She was meant to be a butterfly.

And metaphorically, so are you.

A key component is asking for guidance, so you’ll know you’re going in the right direction.