i am confused

I Am Confused… Try This Simple Exercise And See Clearly

Have you felt, I am confused! Not just about what to eat for dinner, but about an important area of life?

Confusion is a common guest in the house of our minds.

Because confusion sneaks in uninvited, leaving us feeling lost and uncertain about which way to go. What if I told you there’s a simple exercise that can help you cut through the fog and gain clarity?

As a life coach and soul coach, I’ve used the deathbed exercise, to help myself and others cut through the fog of confusion.

You feel confused about some area of your life and you don’t want to be going in circles forever.

By the end of this article, you’ll have a clear understanding of how to use the deathbed exercise, with my special soulful spin, to shed light on your confusion and being confused.

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The deathbed exercise when you feel confused

In 7 Habits For Highly Effective People, one of Steven Covey’s habits is, “Begin with the end in mind.

What does he mean?

Basically, fast forward to the end of your life… and live your life from that vantage point.

You’re on your deathbed… it’s about to be over.

What do you see when you look back?

Were you true to yourself?

Were you happy?

What did you learn?

This is the exercise… to look back at your life from your deathbed with kinder eyes, more knowing eyes and see how you would do things differently.

AND… ask these 3 questions below:

Ivan Ilyich, true self, false self, confused, confusion, person,

Now, ask these 3 questions

From this deathbed vantage point, ask these 3 questions.

1. Did I live the life I wanted?

To illustrate this exercise, there’s no better story than The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy.

Leo Tolstoy. is one of the greatest writers of all time.

And he’s not just a phenomenal writer and storyteller, many people consider him a spiritual leader as well.

Leo Tolstoy wrote about man’s connection to his own spirit, without saying it straight out. He wrote about deeper matters of the heart and soul.

On his deathbed, Ivan Ilyich asks himself: Was my life all wrong? 

That’s a sobering thought to have before you take your last breath.

Ivan was questioning if he lived the life that was for him…. sadly, that’s feeling confused.

2. Was I my true self?

Were you true to yourself?

Or, were you fake or false more often than you would have liked…

As though you’re denied some part of yourself…

For example, you’re doing things that don’t fit who you are or you’re doing a job that’s not quite right.

Don’t worry, not everything you do is going to be fun or feel like a super fit…

Many steps in life are stepping stones to something else.

However, at least you’re learning and growing along the way toward something that will use your talents and gifts.

It’s all part of your soul’s path.

But, when you keep doing something year after year that you don’t like, and it doesn’t help you learn and grow, and it doesn’t nourish your deeper hunger for expression in this life, then it might be a sign that you’re not being authentic.

This is what happened with Ivan Ilyich.

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I am confused? Here’s where Ivan went wrong

Ivan didn’t pay attention to what he truly needed or desired. He ignored what he truly wanted.

He didn’t lead an authentic life.

While Ivan Ilyich was successful by most standards in life, he wondered if he lived the wrong life.

He was a respected judge, had a beautiful family, and was rich, but he wondered if it was the life he was meant to live.

Why is Ivan struggling?

  • Possibly, because he wasn’t the person he wanted to be.
  • He was a judge, maybe that wasn’t the right job for him. Maybe he wishes he owned a coin shop.
  • Ivan was married, maybe his marriage wasn’t what he wanted and he had no idea how to fix it.
  • He didn’t have hobbies that interested him.
  • He had friends, but maybe they weren’t the kind of friends he wanted.
  • He was a father and in reality, wasn’t as close with his children as he wished he was.
  • Ivan had low self awareness of what was happening.
  • He was disconnected from his emotions.
  • He wasn’t aware of what was right for him.
i am confused, confusion, feel confused,

3. Ask: Was I honest with myself?

Many of us wish that at the end of our life, we can look back and feel we were true to ourselves.

We hope we’ve lived the life that was possible for us.

And sadly, Ivan Ilyich wasn’t happy with the life he was about to complete.

Furthermore, his sense of self was a mystery to him.

He wondered, who am I?

When someone takes an honest look at their life and realizes they didn’t speak their truth, they weren’t honest about the things that mattered, their feelings were buried, and the path they took felt like it belonged to someone else, it’s a sad moment.

It’s times like these when a person needs to go soul searching.

You will not create the kind of self-transformation that you desire unless you’re honest with yourself.

Gentle honesty… not judgmental.

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Pondering the bigger questions in life

When someone ponders life from their deathbed… they might wonder if they had been their true selves.

Most likely, many of us are talking to the deepest part of ourselves…. the true self.

And we’re talking to something greater than ourselves.

Many people might be fine with their lives in general…

In general, they feel fortunate to have what they have.

Yet, they have a gnawing feeling they didn’t fully live life.

But, if you’ve been inauthentic, you don’t have to carry that sad feeling.

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Career choices

When faced with confusion over career choices, you can start by assessing your interests, skills, and values. And try some of these options:

See a career coach.

Reflect on past experiences to see what you liked and didn’t like.

Research different career options based on your work related values.

Network with professionals in relevant fields and seek guidance from mentors or career counselors.

Evaluate factors like job stability, growth potential, and work-life balance. These are critical factors that affect your level of happiness.

By evaluating these factors and aligning them with personal goals, you can make an informed decision.

feeling confused, feel confused, confused, confusion, sign, sense

Health problems

Confusion can arise if you find out your have a health problem… not to mention the fear of the unknown.

Everything in life is on hold when you find out your health is in jeopardy. When we found out that my husband had a life threatening illness, we were completely confused.

What form of treatment should we do? How aggressively? Do we tell people? What nutrition will support him?

The questions and confusion was endless.

Coping with the emotional turmoil of a potential diagnosis can also cloud judgment.

However, acknowledging confusion and seeking clarification from healthcare professionals is a start.

Connect with professionals who align with your beliefs about health.

Research reputable sources, and seek support from loved ones to navigate this very confusing time.

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Final thoughts

Confusion is unfortunately part of life. We have different seasons, chapters and challenges, all of which can feel confusing.

If you’re feeling confused about how to live your best life, it’s essential to be true to yourself.

You must be authentic and show up for what your soul needs, otherwise life ends up feeling empty and unsatisfying.

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