When It’s Soul Crushing: What You Must Do Now
Soul crushing is how it sounds… something is happening that feels as though your innermost being is devastated.
It’s a horrible feeling when an integral part of you is not being nourished, acknowledged or listened to.
As a soul coach, I’ve helped thousands of people around the world be true to their innermost selves. My passion is helping people move on from soul crushing situations or relationships… because these things are painful for the soul.
You’re looking for ways to navigate soul crushing situations in your life. Whether it’s a job, personal obligation, or other hurtful situation.
This article will help you understand what soul crushing really means and how to navigate those situations in your life.
What does soul crushing mean?
Soul crushing is when a person feels that a significant and vital part of them is being ignored, or they’re hiding an important aspect of their being, or they are doing something that conflicts too much with their true nature.
The only wrong path in life… is the one where you hide yourself.
Soul crushing means you’re losing yourself because what is most important to you, like your sense of self and your deepest values are being ignored.
How to navigate a soul crushing situation
You have three things you can do in a situation that feels like a significant and vital part of you is being ignored, is hiding, or is dormant.
1. Take action
If you’re clear about what’s missing and what’s not self-fulfilling, then take action.
Decide what to do next.
What actions feels good to you?
And if you can’t act now, decide to put a plan in place.
Summon the courage to be true to yourself and act on a soul level. You have the ability, the power, and everything you need to fulfill your deepest longings.
You’re built that way. We all are.
2. Do the personal work
If you’re lost or confused about a situation that feels soul depleting, then embrace the inner work to be done.
Most of us have been there! I certainly have.
You want your life to align with your own values.
And, you must be authentic.
There’s infinite wisdom in the universe to guide you along your path.
The only “wrong path” is the one where you hide yourself.
We love it when we feel we’re doing something that uses our gifts and makes the world better.
In addition, it’s important to do self-care, personal growth, and soul care.
My post on When You’re Lost, How to Find Yourself Again is the perfect starting point. I list four stages to finding your true self.
NOTE: Please visit each link above for more info. I go into more detail in these articles so you’ll have the steps you need to care for your innermost needs.
3. A soul crushing job
This is an entire subject in and of itself, knowing when to change jobs.
Betterup.com has this helpful article, Should I quit my job? 5 reasons it may be time to resign. The article includes Bad reasons to quit your job as well.
Just because you don’t like your job, it doesn’t mean you should leave it. There are many considerations when evaluating if you should leave a job.
For example, maybe you’re learning patience or tolerance? And it’s worthwhile to stay as you learn this.
Of course, overall, you want to feel challenged and like you’re contributing something helpful.
Even if you’re making hamburgers and you are learning skills you can use later…
Maybe you’re making someone’s day better in some small way.
Possibly, you’re helping your family in a way that’s rewarding and satisfying.
But, at the end of the day, you must walk the path of your soul, for what you’re meant to learn, not to appease friends or family.
Nothing is worse than feeling like your life is all wrong. Please see my article on I am Confused where I talk briefly about Leo Tolstoy’s famous novel, The Death of Ivan Ilyich, about a man who didn’t know himself much less prioritize what he needed.
At the end of Ivan’s life he wondered… was my life all wrong? This story clearly illustrates a soul being crushed.
Crushing situations: personal and work
There are several situations in your personal life that can feel like your soul is being crushed.
Personal life
It’s soul destroying when you hide an integral aspect of your being like your…
Sexual preferences
Gender identity
Religious beliefs
Core values
Deepest wishes
You’ve been designed specifically as you are for a reason. Your life is not random. As a soulful person you must live according to the calling of your soul.
Be sure that you’re expressing yourself emotionally, mentally, and other ways in your life.
Work life
When a job feels like it doesn’t use your talents, gifts, and skills.
You’re not learning anything in the job that you can carry forward to your next job.
You’re doing it for the money, which is fine for awhile, but you dread it. This starts to wear you down.
You’re wasting your energy on work that doesn’t feel like you. It’s hard to stay motivated when you’re not expressing your true self in what you do.
I was quoted in Forbes magazine on the importance of focusing on the potential ahead when changing careers.
“Jeanne Nangle, an emotional well-being coach agrees that changing careers can be very unsettling. ‘Even a voluntary change can evoke a sense of loss for the familiar. Human beings are drawn to what’s familiar.’ She recommends allowing yourself time to appreciate the past, and then turning your attention to the growth potential ahead.”
When your job is soul crushing, it’s important to have a strong and optimistic mental strategy during a career change.
Is your physical health at stake?
I hope you won’t allow your soul to be crushed.
It’s not only a “soul’s death”, it can be physically harmful because the body, mind, and spirit are connected. When you feel that an integral part of you… your nature, your center, your soul, is compromised, you’ll feel your energy leave your body.
Low energy can result in depleting your health.
I hope you won’t do this… because it’s going against nature to ignore your soul.
Instead, take action.
When your soul is unfed, you’re being called to change things.
It’s probably soulfully important for your soul’s path.
Ways you fake it in your personal life
First, identify the situations in your personal life that feel like you’re not being yourself.
You’re faking it.
You say things you don’t mean to please others. You pretend to believe something you don’t.
You hide an important part of yourself.
Or, you’re pretending to be something you are not.
Or, pretending that you’re not something that you truly are.
Afterward, you feel like someone robbed your house. You know they were in your personal space and it feels like an invasion.
Sadly, this keeps your soul from evolving.
Dictionary meaning
The dictionary defines the term “soul destroying”… over soul crushing.
Is soul crushing too touchy feely for Merriam Webster?
Merriam Webster defines soul destroying as causing a person to feel very unhappy or depressed.
FAQ – Soul Crushing
What does soul crushing mean?
Soul crushing means you feel disconnected from who you are—your values, identity, or core self are being ignored or pushed aside. It’s more than just feeling unhappy. You’re not living in a way that reflects your true self or aligns with your soul’s mission in this life. Over time, that disconnection leaves you drained, lost and confused.
How do I know if my job is soul crushing?
When a job doesn’t use your natural talents, gifts, or skills, it starts to wear you down. You’re spending your energy on work that doesn’t feel like you. It’s hard to stay motivated when you’re not expressing your true self in what you do. Over time, it can feel like you’re disappearing—going through the motions while something important inside you is being ignored.
What are signs of a soul crushing relationship?
A soul crushing relationship makes you hide who you are to be accepted. You feel smaller, less seen, and emotionally guarded. At the same time, you aren’t being challenged or stimulated in ways that help you grow. There’s no depth, no real connection—just the sense that you’re holding back and slowly fading. When you can’t express your full self, your soul feels the cost.
Can a soul crushing life drain your energy?
Yes. When you live in a way that goes against your nature, your energy drops. You might feel constant fatigue, low motivation, or even physical tension. The mind, body, and spirit are deeply connected—when your soul is being ignored, the rest of you feels it. Over time, that disconnect can take a real toll on your overall health and well-being.
How do I handle a soul crushing situation?
Handling a soul crushing situation starts with two key steps. First, if you know what’s missing or wrong, take action by making a plan to change it. If you’re unsure or confused, focus on personal growth and reflection to reconnect with your true values. Avoid hiding your truth—doing nothing only deepens the disconnect. Both action and inner work help you move toward a life that honors your soul.
Is feeling soul crushed common in midlife?
Yes, hence the saying, “Midlife crisis”. Many people in their 40s realize they’ve been living according to someone else’s expectations, not their own truth. That uneasy, disconnected feeling is a signal that it’s time to realign with your authentic self. This isn’t failure—it’s an important sign guiding you toward a more meaningful and true path.
How can I stop faking it and feel authentic?
First, identify where you’re pretending—to fit in, avoid conflict, or please others. Then ask what’s behind that. You don’t have to change overnight; just take small, honest steps: say what you mean, act in ways that reflect who you are, bit by bit. Growth happens in steps.
When is staying in a soul crushing job okay?
It can be okay short-term—if you’re learning something valuable or building toward a goal. But if it’s purely draining with no growth or alignment, it becomes a problem. At that point, staying starts to cost you more than you gain.
Final thoughts
It’s crushing to us when we ignore the soul and our lives don’t align with what the soul needs.
I went from executive coach to life coach to soul coach because my soul had new things to learn.
However, each role was supportive, as I was learning something I needed.
A situation is crushing to the soul when you realize that a vital part of you is being ignored or under-utilized.
Look for soul vibes… anything that connects you with your soulful nature, to help you connect with this deeper part of you.
Soul destroying or crushing is when doing it feels consistently in violation of your core values, your soul’s calling, or what brings you joy and happiness.
